Giving Up: a Birthday Ideal.

My life blossomed 4 years ago.

Amidst the turbulent phase I was barely beginning, I got news that there had been a new addition to our family in the form of one small niece.

At the time my mind couldn’t wrap itself around this tiny being, with my brothers features and her serious gaze, looking steadily at the camera which was capturing her mid thought (or so it seemed).  Reveau was a hope I was needing, coming into the world swaddled in pink blankets. I was in love.

I didn’t get to meet her until she was 3 months old; It’d been an interesting day, where I’d shopped for shoes, and worn rainbow toe socks, headed there with my best friend at the time, curious to see the next generation in my family.

Pablo Neruda once said that when two people fall in love, a whole new world is created. At the time, I knew it was true, I’d just never felt it. When my sister-in-law placed her small body in my arms I remember feeling like nothing in life had ever mattered up to that point. There she was, small and resting against my chest, breathing her little breaths and all I could think was how I’d never loved anyone as much as I loved her in that instant. I’d been frail and beat up, I felt jaded and confused, but here was the little breathing gift, reminding me that all those things were inconsequential, because she was hope and joy and beauty and I was holding her and that was all that mattered.

I gave up wanting to give up, because at the end of the day, if I got to be around her, it would all be worth it.

In her short 4 years Reveau has taught me that there is nothing that can’t be cured by reading ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ ten dozen times, that there is such a thing as being ecstatic at someone elses joy (hers) and devastated by someone elses tears (hers). She’s taught me that strength need not be hard, that hope need not be folly, and that all bad days come to an end by the mere sound of a small voice saying ‘I love you.’.

I love you Reveau.

Happy Birthday.

Listening to: “Giving Up” by Ingrid Michaelson
Wishing: I could be with Reveau.


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