It is called a freaking CALENDAR.

Or an agenda. Or a schedule.

Whatever the H you call it, let me take a few moments to vent on two of the things that cramp my style the most while living here in sunny, relaxed Mexico.

1. Scheduling (!!!#$%#$%#!!!)

I realize it’s somewhat stupid to be typing this in English, because the people I’d like to explain this to don’t read it, but it’s my blog and I do what I want. I have people in my church congregation who constantly remind me that I need to be going to activities with people my age (from said congregation), which is fine and dandy and I do enjoy being social (just in case you don’t know me), but I also have things like a job, and choir and a leadership position to look after (along with people I am supposed to visit) and if you tell me of an activity that was organized on the day it is happening then screw you, I am not going. There is something called ‘planning in advance’ also known as organization, to those of us who are adults and have responsibilities and can’t always be socializing suddenly. I am not sitting on my bedazzled hammock (it is not bedazzled, but I really wish it was), twiddling my thumbs, watching mold grow on food (refer to the last post), waiting for an opportunity to get together.

It would be decent of you- as a human being who has a brain and opposable thumbs- to let me know at least a couple of days in advance because you are not a social ninja to be sneaking up on people and having an impromptu  party all the time. Everyone knows Mexicans are the least qualified to be ninjas, but that is a conversation for another day. Also, I’ve probably made other plans in advance because sitting on a bedazzled hammock-while fun- would leave perma-hammock grid pattern on my butt, and good luck getting a date that way.


2. Punctuality or (maybe/also) Accountability

The fact that when something is planned for 8:00 pm nobody shows up until 9 because ‘no one’s gonna be there anyway’? Yeah, I am allergic to that. When you tell me you’re gonna show up somewhere, so I show up and wait for you, with a pie-on-my-face expression, until I realize that you’re not gonna show up and didn’t even bother calling me? Yeah, I hope you get diarrhea.

Both of those things happen here, and often so I always schedule things for later than they actually are and get teased mercilessly when I don’t show up on time, except no one else did either. Then there’s the set of people who have stood me up who get plain offended when I decide that making time for them is not a priority over taking a nap, or baking another batch of cookies (both delicious, I assure you). Why? Because my time is precious, and I am never getting it back and the fact that I’ve already wasted the most finite source I have on you because you did not show up makes me wish I could properly swear, and actually do it (another conversation for another day).

I realize that I’m the one who needs to give because that’s the culture here and I am one little seashell in the ocean that is Mexican culture, but I have years, and years of using planners and calendars and time schedules (and work for a company who still does) that asking me to bend over backwards for you just because I happen to be [insert adjective of your assumption here] is not only rude, but unfair. We have different paradigms. Let’s agree to disagree. And please, don’t get all preachy with me next time that you tell me that the reason why I’m not dating is because I’m not being social enough because that will just make me wish diarrhea on you, and on your family.

And I know you only have one bathroom.


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