Letter to My Teenage Self: Part I

Dear Azul,

Salutations! As you can tell by the previous greeting you’re still on the dorky side. It’s all good now.
If I remember correctly you prefer bad news first so, I really hate to break it to you but so far, we don’t own a dog. We don’t own much to be honest; we don’t have kids, we’re not married,  and we are nowhere near our Masters degree (I know, I know. Trust me, you haven’t gotten stupid. Your brain is not mush). We’ve also managed to get kicked out of the States and are living in Cancun again.  It’s okay, I’ll give you a minute there.

I know by the standards you measure us against that is all a major failure. I actually thought of how dissapointed you’d be by the current state of affairs. We haven’t done half of what we set out to do, and are not necessarily close to it.

But a few years ago, we figured out some really important things, and I’m just gonna tell you now in hopes that you can recover (because you will): That stuff  that all the women you admired that you rolled your eyes at was mostly true. You do get more comfortable in your own skin. You do find boys that like you back. You do figure out that all the worry and stress you’re pouring into unnecessary things is, well, unnecessary. Surprisingly, nobody’s really grossed out about your hyperhydrosis (we’re still self conscious about it though).

About getting comfortable in your own skin… well, that’s a pretty recent development. Maybe the last year or two. It sounds like something you’d read off a Dove Chocolate (we still like them, and we still chuckle at the messages), but let me tell you-all those women that tell you that it comes with age? It does. And it’s wonderful. Because suddenly, your modus operandi changes and you don’t feel the need to apologize for your love of kilts, or suspenders, or your obsession with facial hair or the fact that you are an emotional creature.

Really, it’s good we’re emotional. It helps us do one of the things we have to do, which is, lead the young women of our congregation. Can you believe that?! That is great news. We do that, you and I. And man, it is the best thing in the world. But I’m not sure we would’ve appreciated it without all the hard knocks. And we’re not half bad either- it is a lot of the things that you’re questioning and struggling with about us that we’ll get along the way: That leaders, like cookies, come in all shapes and sizes. And everyone likes cookies.

And that’s another good thing- priceless really- that we’ve learned by now: Happiness does not have a real limit. There is no measuring stick that says “You can only be this happy” with an arrow pointing at a certain height. You can be 100 cups of happy, or 50 years of happy, or 5 inches, or 12 pounds- but we determine that. So, you go on and be happy. The happy is not going to run out.

It’s hard to explain right now, but it’s the things that we are going to start going through that will really enable you to be happy. George Harrison (he’s still our favorite Beatle) once said something about us being like blocks of wood, and pain was the carving tool that allowed for deeper joy. We didn’t appreciate it, but from this side of things I can tell you, he’s right. Things get better (they still suck for a while thought).

The awesome thing about not owning things is that they don’t own us either. So, we don’t have a dog, or a house that belongs to us, or a lot of other things. But, you’re pretty free. You can sleep in an extra 15 minutes in your hammock. You can go to funerals and important events for those girls (whom we love, with all of our little hearts because they are SO wonderful, no joke) -and nobody can tell you not to.

We own more pairs of flip flops than real shoes . See? You totally wanted that too, and now we have it! Living the freakin’ dream I tell you! We cook and bake, and we really like it. We get excited about appliances. This does not mean we fail our feminist selves. We still like to party and dance and socialize. We still quote things a lot, and sometimes people still think it’s weird (our ability to connect the weird dots has increased. You’re welcome). We have a lot of fun, but know we’re okay if it’s just us having all the fun- we’ve learned not to feel guilty when others don’t want to join in. Sometimes that’s that, and we accept it.

Mexico is also not as bad as you feared- the produce is good, the weather is (for the most part) lovely, you enjoy the people, and even though you are definitely walking to the beat of another instrument altogether, you really love people, because part of growing comfortable and enjoying the skin you’re in is that you can accept people for the skin they’re in as well- because becoming soft softens others too.

So, don’t go being so impatient with growing up. This life isn´t a big marathon (so cliche, and I am sure you are rolling your eyes so far back you are time traveling backward, but bear with me here), it’s a jog girl. Don’t give yourself a wedgie over the fact that- according to you- you’re not going fast enough. Because we’re going at the exact right pace, even if we don’t always like it. It’s more enjoyable.

If we were going as fast as we’d like, we’d miss out. And well, I’d probably be a bitter hag.
I mean, part of happiness is the ability we have to stop and spot the mullets.

Love,

Azul

P.S.
Honestly, please stop dotting your i’s with hearts. I love you, but it’s definitely one of those cringe worthy things we get to be embarrassed by when we read our journal. Just sayin’.

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